I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
