I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
