Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
