the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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