ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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