just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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