Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
