I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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