I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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