I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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