I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
