Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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