I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
