im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
