that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
bring money and cleavage
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
