Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
