he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
