Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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