You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
