Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
