I hate your face
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
