My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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