Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
