It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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