come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
