He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
