Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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