Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Randomize
