Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
