when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
