I think my fart just growled at me.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
