no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
