he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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