Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
