My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
