just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
