Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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