So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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