Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
