I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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