imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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