i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Randomize
