Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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