All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Randomize
