Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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