why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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