You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
