Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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