Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
