Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
