did you get engaged???
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
