definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
