dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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