wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
