Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
