i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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