How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
