hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
