fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have started to decorate penises.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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