i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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