there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
