He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
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I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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