your parents love me but you hate me
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
