her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
