"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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