I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
