Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
