Got a toothbrush?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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