Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
