I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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