You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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