In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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