mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
