I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
