OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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