Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
