I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
